you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
