I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
