if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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