Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
