Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
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I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
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walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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