hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
