it wasn't lemon gatorade
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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