last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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