Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
