Welp...herpes.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
