i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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