it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
