It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
