no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
