Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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