so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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