Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I didn't notice because vodka
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize