just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
