After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
