as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
