i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
