No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
