So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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