I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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