Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
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Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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