woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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