id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
