If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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