thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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