omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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