he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
