remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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