nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
