So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
