it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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