after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
