Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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