the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
