I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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