He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The uberlube is also flammable
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
