I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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