I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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