i don't like sucking hair
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
