you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
