i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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