He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
