What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
