I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
