Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
