I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Blood and glitter go together right?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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