haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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