There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
