Midget sex pt 2 tonight
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
