Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
