I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
