If that was your dad, he is hot
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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