As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
