she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
