can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
