separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hippo gnu deer
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
