Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
