Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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