Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
