He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I need water and some morals
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
