nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
