I need to stop coming to work sober
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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