At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
