I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
