what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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