yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
