so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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