I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
