Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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