And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
