I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
