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All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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