halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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