so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
