I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
