I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
