Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
