you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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