I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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