I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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