perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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