Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
