The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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